Just yesterday, Dan and I were walking our dog Bella, as we always do, past the elementary school a block over and towards the 7-11 where delicious morning beverages await us. Children are often playing in the schoolyard at that time, and the sounds of joy that come from them are nice to hear.
As we walked past, we noticed a tiny skater-lookin dude with a huge blonde 'fro and baggy pants on, leaning against a desk that had been discarded on the side of the street. Sidenote: This practice of throwing large unwanted pieces of disgusting furniture out onto the street never ceases to amaze me. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I thought it was the strangest thing I'd ever seen. People just put their unwanted mattresses, couches, clothing, books, desk chairs, and even toilets out on the curb, as if some magical Bulky Items Removal Fairy is going to whisk it away for them. What really happens is, dog after dog after dog pees on these unwanted items, rendering them completely useless to families in need that could have actually used them. Then it rains, and the pee runs down the streets, and then weeks later, someone who didn't discard said items, gets so sick of looking at them that they call the bulky items disposal number at the local dump and schedules a pick up. It's that easy people. Take responsibility for your garbage! Call 1-800-SA-TRUCK (1-800-728-7825) to discuss a free pick up of your clothing, furniture or household items or to find out the nearest drop off location bin, or CLICK this link for more info.
Anyway, this guy was most definitely pleasuring himself on top of this desk in a super creepy on-mushrooms kinda way...
As we walked past, we noticed a tiny skater-lookin dude with a huge blonde 'fro and baggy pants on, leaning against a desk that had been discarded on the side of the street. Sidenote: This practice of throwing large unwanted pieces of disgusting furniture out onto the street never ceases to amaze me. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I thought it was the strangest thing I'd ever seen. People just put their unwanted mattresses, couches, clothing, books, desk chairs, and even toilets out on the curb, as if some magical Bulky Items Removal Fairy is going to whisk it away for them. What really happens is, dog after dog after dog pees on these unwanted items, rendering them completely useless to families in need that could have actually used them. Then it rains, and the pee runs down the streets, and then weeks later, someone who didn't discard said items, gets so sick of looking at them that they call the bulky items disposal number at the local dump and schedules a pick up. It's that easy people. Take responsibility for your garbage! Call 1-800-SA-TRUCK (1-800-728-7825) to discuss a free pick up of your clothing, furniture or household items or to find out the nearest drop off location bin, or CLICK this link for more info.
Anyway, this guy was most definitely pleasuring himself on top of this desk in a super creepy on-mushrooms kinda way...
Presumably he 'finished,' because he let out the most terrifying grunt of psychotic satisfaction and then ran down the street towards us laughing like a maniac. Up until this moment, Dan and I hadn't really encountered a very heavy homeless or crazy population in our new neighborhood. Which is great, because I often walk my dog alone at night, and I prefer passing cute little families having quincenera parties, rather than the drunk dudes peeing on their own feet that used to hang out by my old place. This guy made us sit up and take notice. It was the middle of the day, it was scorching hot, he was obviously completely mentally gone or on some serious drugs, and he was doing this right in front of the playground of a school. Where children were playing. Against our will, we took a mental picture, and haven't been able to erase it since.
Let's cut to this morning. We've walked Bella to our favorite coffee shop The Republic of Pie. It totally reminds me of some places I used to go in college in Eugene. AMAZING pastries, and ridiculously good coffee. We ordered two lattes, a quiche and a croissant. I went inside to retrieve the lattes while Dan stayed outside with the dog. He had his back to the sidewalk, and was looking into the window to see if I was coming so he could open the door for me, when all of a sudden The Tiny Deskurbator pops up in the reflection. Dan sees him reach out for our quiche, then sees him hesitate while deciding the most delicate way to pick up and steal our delicious breakfast. This gives Dan just enough time to think "Fight crazy with crazy," so he picks up one of the cafe chairs and wields it at the guy, like a lion-tamer in a circus. Dan starts screaming, "Put the quiche down man or I'll bite your face off." The masturbating little thief screamed back, much like a lion would, "Rrrraaaaaaaawwwwrrrrr" then threw the quiche onto the sidewalk.
From where I was standing, I couldn't see anything buy my lovely boyfriend screaming his head off and flinging chairs around outside. People in the cafe were gasping and concerned, and I just had to say "Sorry everyone, that is...my boyfriend."
Quiche is such a posh thing to steal and/or defend with a chair. The Rebublic of Pie's owner was kind enough to bring us another piece on the house, the remnants of which are pictured below, along with the chair in question, and the cargo shorts of my Lion Taming Hero.
Let's cut to this morning. We've walked Bella to our favorite coffee shop The Republic of Pie. It totally reminds me of some places I used to go in college in Eugene. AMAZING pastries, and ridiculously good coffee. We ordered two lattes, a quiche and a croissant. I went inside to retrieve the lattes while Dan stayed outside with the dog. He had his back to the sidewalk, and was looking into the window to see if I was coming so he could open the door for me, when all of a sudden The Tiny Deskurbator pops up in the reflection. Dan sees him reach out for our quiche, then sees him hesitate while deciding the most delicate way to pick up and steal our delicious breakfast. This gives Dan just enough time to think "Fight crazy with crazy," so he picks up one of the cafe chairs and wields it at the guy, like a lion-tamer in a circus. Dan starts screaming, "Put the quiche down man or I'll bite your face off." The masturbating little thief screamed back, much like a lion would, "Rrrraaaaaaaawwwwrrrrr" then threw the quiche onto the sidewalk.
From where I was standing, I couldn't see anything buy my lovely boyfriend screaming his head off and flinging chairs around outside. People in the cafe were gasping and concerned, and I just had to say "Sorry everyone, that is...my boyfriend."
Quiche is such a posh thing to steal and/or defend with a chair. The Rebublic of Pie's owner was kind enough to bring us another piece on the house, the remnants of which are pictured below, along with the chair in question, and the cargo shorts of my Lion Taming Hero.
RSS Feed