Well, my friend Patrick died today.  He was riding his motorcycle and he slammed into a bus and he died.  I think I'm in a bit of shock and denial, because it's definitely too soon to be writing about it, and honestly all I can think is "Great, another ghost is gonna ruin my sex life." 

Perhaps I should explain....

Dear Jack,

    Let me first say that I really respect the fact that you've chosen to stay true to who you are and what you look like.  I'm sure that being a Television Personality has been difficult with your unusual looks, and I'm impressed that you haven't caved to what I can only assume has been severe peer and industry pressure to have some plastic and reconstructive surgery on your clown-like ball face...